Coach Carter
Samuel ‘Snakes on a Muthafuckin’ Plane’ Jackson plays a basketball coach who makes his students get good grades before they can play. Sounds interesting? Then you are one boring ‘muthafucka’. So many good opportunities were wasted in this film:
Samuel Muthafucka telling his players to "make that mutha fucking basket, mutha fucka. I don’t give a fuck how you do it".
Irate parent: "Hey, when’s my boy gonna’ get on the court?"
Samuel Muthafucka: "Fuck you, that’s when. Muthafucka."
Samuel Muthafucka stepping onto the court in the final game, saying "Muthafucka, I take down every muthafucka in this muthafucking building. I want these mutha fucking snakes off this muthafucking plane, bitch."
Jokes aside, John Travolta sucks. Hole in his chin, numb nut bastard. Should have quit after he made Broken Arrow . I read a story about Battlefield Earth, what a dipshit. Can’t wait for the Scientology family to get together and make a film. Kirstie Alley. Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes. Travolta. They’ll have to extend the thesaurus to allow for more alternates to ‘shit’.
Where was I? What was I talking about, oh Travolta and Samuel L. See cause they were in Pulp Fiction, that’s the vague link. And seriously, Tarantino ain’t that great. Over-rated douche. Kill Bill was good, but Kill Bill 2: The Discussion, fucking shit. I mean, I love seeing Uma cut shit up with a sword as much as the next guy, but I don’t need to hear ten minute discussions on bullshit. What was Tarantino thinking? I’ll tell you what he was thinking, he was thinking, "I’m fucking brilliant. I just watched some of my films and they were awesome, I should make more of this shit, but with more dialogue so people can understand how I think, how I leave, how I breathe. People want to know how I breathe. He, he. I love pussy." And Tarantino writes his fucking opus of crap. Dipshit, it was one film and you ruined it with your love of pussy. And also, you’ve made every video store working nerd think they can make awesome films because they worked in a video store. They can’t. They can’t even make a better film than the Star Wars Kid. Oh shit that was funny.
Star Wars Kid.
Yeah, don’t bother with this film, go watch that shit instead. Where? You’ve got the internet, fucking geek, go Google it or some shit.