Blade: Trinity

Blade: Trinity

It’s interesting that the man who kick-started the whole Blade franchise, screenwriter David Goyer, who gets his chance to direct here, has only now realised what most of us have known for a while - that Blade himself is a boring fucking character. A snarl here, a “motherfucker” there, and some stiff samurai moves is about all he amounts to. Sure, he could be cool, the half-man half-vampire thing is certainly a nice infrastructure on which to build a damn cool character, but the way Snipes has chosen to play him (what kind of a wanker method-acts in a fucking vampire movie?), and the minimum-dialogue rule they have seemingly imposed over all three films really inhibits the character. I see what they’re going for – the kind of cool and silent and slick anti-hero that would really work in the medium of comics, but here in film world Blade is completely void of any personality – his lines are, purposely, delivered with such a bland monotony that I’ve been barracking for the vampires to kill him since the first film.

It has to be this reason then that the third film has seen the introduction of a whole group of new, more colourful and less stoic, characters. Ryan Renolds as Hannibal King adds quite a few chuckles (and I don’t wanna sound queer or nothing, but the dude is fucking ripped) and Jessica Biel adds some serious ass and girl-power grunt to proceedings, and together the two of them just scream ‘Spin-off’!

While the first Blade started off well enough (that awesomely memorable nightclub scene) it soon descended into cartoon mayhem. The second film, directed by Guillermo del Toro, was full of great ideas – well, okay, actually it was just Aliens with vampires – but first and foremost it was a horror film more than just an action one. Unfortunately it was still rendered average thanks to some of the worst computer effects ever used. The body movement on the CG rendition of characters looks akin to those sticky toys that you throw against the wall and watch them tumble their way down – you know the ones - all bendy and too fluid. Blade: Trinity takes a whole other trajectory as an unashamed action comedy – finally embracing the ludicrousness and camp qualities the other films had in droves, but tried to deny.

In case you were wondering, this is not a good thing. Renolds gets away with it, but Parker Posey seems to be completely high in her role as the vamp femme fatale, just wandering around in a daze throwing out sass at random, and Dracula (yes, Dracula) looks like he has stepped straight out of a gay pin-up magazine. I, er, would imagine.

If you thought the first two films were fully sick, then step right up for a third helping. However, if you are looking to start your foray into the Blade world with this film I would recommend you get yourselves a few Buffy DVDs and curb that urge.