9 Songs
Sex, rock'n'roll, and drugs. It doesn't have the same ring to it, but that's pretty much the idea behind Michael Winterbottom's film 9 Songs . And yes, everything you've heard is true, and then some. It's got to be the most explicit an R rated film can possibly get. Close ups of all the naughty parts, and actual, real, genuine, explicit, 100% authentic, bona fide, un-simulated, graphic, hardcore fucking…tastefully mixed in with some live performances by some indie-cool bands.
The film goes for 71 minutes. If I had to guess, I'd say 45 minutes of that would be the sex. Twenty minutes or so would be of the bands, leaving 6 minutes of dialogue scenes, something you'll be thankful for once you see the quality of the performances. The male actor is pretty average, but the chick is plain awful. When she has to do something that requires her to be vertical, you realise how horrible an actress she is, which really shouldn't be such a surprise, since this is porn we're talking about.
I could actually maybe respect the idea behind Winterbottom's rock'n'roll porno, (well, the fact that it pushes the boundaries anyway), if he didn't actually try and make it so arty and meaningful. You've made porn here dude, revel in it, don't keep coming back to shots of Antarctica as the male main character makes some stupid fucking analogy about how the icy glaciers breaking apart is kind of like receiving fellatio. Okay, I made that one up. They're not quite that bad analogies, but they're close. This is actually from the film:
“Exploring the Antarctic is like exploring space. You enter a void, thousands of miles, with no people, no animals, no plants. You're isolated in a vast, empty continent. Claustrophobia and acrophobia in the same place, like two people in a bed.”
Cut back to people fucking.
Um, sure. Whatever Mr. Winterbottom.
Part of me enjoys the fact that films like these can get made and get a wide release, causing censorship havoc wherever they go. I like seeing politicians and religious groups protest against them while usually timid film-loving folk step-up and make a stand for their art. It's just a pity that the films they do this for are never worth the effort.
Films like this also make it an interesting one for reviewers worldwide. They seem to either take a moral high ground, claiming the film sordid pornography (conservative wackos that write their reviews before actually seeing the film), while the pretentious wankers fall over themselves to label it as “brave, bold art”, (saying things like: “y'know the sex scenes actually bored me, their sex was just so normal, which is why the film is a refreshingly brave statement on intimacy, love, and lust – all perfectly part of the beautiful human condition”, when that they're really saying is: “I just got paid to review porn – how fucking sweet is my job!!!”). Then you have the critics who just blast the film, saying it's just shock-value filmmaking with nothing artistic to offer, no story, and terrible acting. Which is definitely all true, but makes them seem like they're kind of avoiding the point.
Personally, and you may doubt me here, but I would not have rented this if it didn't have a few bands in it that I dig. Okay, sure, I was also curious with how far they'd go with all the bonking, but the involvement of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Franz Ferdinand, Super Furry Animals, and especially The Dandy Warhols was the deciding factor. The real disappointment for me is not that this is a pretentious wank of a film, which I was fairy sure it was going to be, but that the recordings of these bands are mostly terrible. I don't mind that the visuals look like they've been shot by some random dude in the crowd, but surely they could have done a better job with the sound. So anyone out there like me pretending to hire this film out on the basis of the music: it's not worth it.
And as for the sex? Well I'm sure you can find a ton of porn out there with better acting and more of a story than this.