Profile: Slick

Slick first came into the movie zeitgeist about 15 years ago, when he became known as the guy who could quote the entire dialogue from films such as The Three Amigos and Top Gun . This prodigious talent went largely ignored and often unappreciated.

Sometimes there were wedgies.

Devastated at not receiving the accolades he expected for his talents, Slick forsook all films and vowed never to watch one again. This lasted three weeks, when he was hit by a feverish dream, brought on by a bad chicken parma. When he awoke he was enlightened by the idea of a new scale of rating movies, along with a near-fatal case of diarrhea.

“Slick's Flicks”, which rocked the tight-knit community of newspaper film-critics and uptight cinema professors, was delivered on two stone tablets. It read as follows, listed from highest accolade to lowest denouncement.

Kingpin
Named after the Bill Murray movie, which he loves above all others, and is currently working on memorising. As in “Man, that film's soooooooo Kingpin ".

Top Crap
A Top Crap film is no where near being Kingpin -esque (hence the “Crap” part), yet it is still something deemed worthy enough to watch a handful of times (that's the “Top” part coming into play.)

Good Show
Sure, this might not sound like a massively glowing endorsement, but it's not a bad thing when you consider that it's a long way down to…

Far-fetched & Spastic
Ouch. Would love to see that on a movie poster some day.

Grease 2
The lowest of the low. For Slick, films could not possible get worse than this.

This site is only exists because of this great man's great vision. He is, simply, Top Crap.